In memory of
by Anonymous123456787654321
Summary: Yaoi. Life is comprised of cycles of life and death. Itachi learned this long ago and had thought he'd accepted it. However, he never thought he'd have to watch his brother's life flicker out before his eyes. He never expected to be guilty of that final crime, of stealing his brother's last breath from him. Warning drug use
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Author's Note: Sorry for the Sasuke death thing. It just happened. I don't hate Sasuke at all. Hope for reviews and feedback! Thanks

Life is comprised of cycles of life and death. Itachi learned this long ago and had thought he'd accepted it. However, he never thought he'd have to watch his brother's life flicker out before his eyes. He never expected to be guilty of that final crime, of stealing his brother's last breath from him. During their confrontation Orochimaru had been extracted but the damage had been too much for Sasuke. He had gone into shock, and then had had a seizure, and finally had died. It happened so fast, there was no time to respond. Itachi frantically felt around for a pulse, desperate to find one. He tried to breath life back into his brother. He tried to heal him with everything he had, but it was too late.

Itachi wiped the blood from his eyes, and the sweat from Sasuke's face. There was some spittle on the pale mouth, and Itachi dabbed that away gently. In the first few minutes he couldn't grasp what was happening. It seemed nothing moved, and he couldn't think past watching Orochimaru's snake escape without a backward glance. The nausea in Itachi's gut grew as a bubble of some emotion seemed to rise slowly within him.

No, this wasn't happening.

When Kisame arrived, he was silent. Itachi watched him sit and they stared at each other for a moment. Having a witness made things feel more real, and Itachi looked away from him. There was some distant understanding but mostly just denial.

"What happened?"

"Orochimaru."

"I see. You ok?"

"…"

Itachi hugged Sasuke to his chest and pressed his forehead to his shoulder. It was over. Sasuke was gone, just like that. Itachi felt the weight of sorrow sink deeper even as he was relieved of responsibility. He couldn't fight any more. There was nothing left to fight for.

He slowly brought his shaking hand up to Sasuke's skin and touched his two fingers to his forehead.

"I'm sorry Sasuke. I can't …"

He choked on the words and remembered all the times he had let Sasuke down. He had let Sasuke see him as a murderer. He had let Sasuke be seduced out of the village by Orochimaru. Itachi should have killed Orochimaru when he'd had the chance. He should have done so many things differently. He had just wanted one more chance to make things right, and it turned out to be one too many.

"Itachi," Kisame called.

The wind had picked up and night was falling. Itachi studied Kisame in a daze. He had always wondered why Kisame didn't attack him when he was weak. All those times when Itachi had to rest the sharingan and Kisame had the opportunity to kill him. Now he just didn't care. If the man wanted to attack him Itachi would let himself be killed in a moment. He had no will to protect himself. He had lost his only brother. His only family.

"Sasuke."

He had always been protective and of Sasuke. Reluctantly Itachi admitted he had killed Sasuke himself. Sasuke's body had been weakened and had even become dependent on Orochimaru's host. The sudden change had been the final straw for Sasuke.

Itachi felt himself wake suddenly and then realized that he had blacked out. Kisame was close now, bracing Itachi to keep him from falling. Itachi avoided looking at Sasuke while he gripped Kisame's leg, bracing himself. He couldn't find any interest in these mundane details right now. Nothing seemed important to him anymore.

The clouds had blackened, and it began to drizzle. Then he realized he couldn't take a cowards way out, even if it was tempting to do so.

"I have to take his eyes. Nobody should be allowed to steal them," Itachi said.

He did what he needed, using his hands to pull the powerful organs out, and gently tuck them into a handkerchief. It was a moment of vulnerability that he normally would never show before anyone, not even his partner. Kisame watched, fascinated, waiting. For what Itachi didn't know.

All he knew was Sasuke was dead.

His agony was alive within him, sawing away at his head. He wanted to throw himself down beside Sasuke, and rest there with him. He would give anything to trade places with him. Itachi trembled and heard a moan. Then he realized that the moan was coming from him and that he was once again falling to the ground beside his deceased brother.

Kisame shuffled his feet, uncertainty and shock playing across his features, warring for dominance. Itachi rocked back and forth, covering his eyes with both hands. They ached with unshed tears and agony from too many powerful jutsu used.

"Itachi, you know…"

"Sasuke, Sasuke. I've got nothing left. Why did this happen? Sasuke, why?"

"You did your best, Itachi. There was nothing you could do."

It was Itachi's turn to be shocked, though distantly. He never would have expected sympathetic words from his Akatsuki partner. It might have broken his heart again, if it wasn't already broken. He had been paired with Kisame almost on a whim, and it seemed the man had truly come to respect him, or even like him.

What a laughable concept. He had always been suspicious of the man, wary around him, and all along Kisame was growing fond of him. Or perhaps just somewhat friendly? Itachi wasn't sure and didn't really care. It was all so pointless in the end. Every move he had carefully planned, and every string he had intricately pulled, all for this devastation.

"Sasuke, you were the only one I truly loved. I just wanted you to be safe. I only ever wanted you to be happy… Why is there so much violence? Why so much death?"

The tears finally formed and fell, trickling down among the raindrops. Kisame watched him from his towering height, his great sword a constant presence on his shoulder. The threat always there, that one day Kisame would turn that sword on Itachi. It was never more desirable an outcome than now when Itachi had lost the one thing he cared about in the world.

Instead of uncovering the sword, Kisame lay it down, and offered some wraps and cloth to Itachi. He meant to cover Sasuke respectfully with Itachi. Itachi struggled to sit up once again but didn't take the wrappings.

After his tears dried up, Itachi grudgingly did cover and bury Sasuke there in the ruins where they had fought. Kisame stood respectfully by, alert and solemn. It was why they had worked so well together. Despite Kisame's boisterous attitude he was well mannered. Itachi stared at the small stone he had placed at the head of the grave. On it was his brother's name and the date. Kisame had carved it out for him, since he was still struggling with disbelief and shock.

Kisame stayed with him there for endless days. Itachi was completely lifeless. He had been struggling to maintain his act for so long, but it no longer came so naturally. He was an emotional mess and couldn't hide it. Kisame knew him well enough to see that he was destroyed by Sasuke's death. Itachi went to the grave every day, and lay beside it, talking to Sasuke. Kisame would finally drag him back to the small room they were renting, and force feed him. He even bathed him once, when Itachi was caked with mud, right after it had happened. That was a moment he would rather forget. Kisame seemed so utterly respectful, that it was bizarre. Nobody had ever cared for Itachi before. He'd never needed it. Never been that weak before.

It took a full month before Itachi began to function without help. He began to do things for himself again, though half-heartedly. He wasn't the same anymore. Sasuke had taken his spirit with him when he'd gone.

Then one day Kisame was preparing to leave. Itachi had dressed himself that day, and had even eaten something, though it tasted like dust in his throat. He'd forced it down.

"You're not coming with me, are you?" Kisame asked the next day.

"No."

"I suppose this is it then? You're just leaving?"

"…I have nowhere to go."

"You could just come with me."

"What's the point?"

Kisame was speechless for once, and Itachi brooded in the silence.

"What, you're just going to stay here?"

"I don't know… no."

"Where will you go?"

"I may return to my village."

"Good luck with that…" Kisame said, doubtfully.

Once he had the idea, it suddenly seemed like the only thing to do. He wanted to be someone else. He wanted to forget his life, his mistakes, and all of his misfortune.

Decision made, Itachi took the coat that labeled him a criminal, and the missing nin fore-head protector, and destroyed them. Then he tossed out the black nail polish, with a tiny smirk. He wouldn't miss the extra work of painting and repainting them that ridiculous color.

Next, Itachi cut his hair completely off. He was going back to Konoha. This time he'd live the life he had meant to live, as a regular citizen. Nobody would know who he was, and he wouldn't even try to pass as a ninja. Thoughts of Sasuke filled his head. He no longer had a purpose, and no longer had any family. The only connection he had with Sasuke was the village.

Itachi spent his time traveling, bartering for new clothes, getting a tan, making sure he resembled nothing more than a farmhand. He could do manual labor, work with animals, something helpful. That was his new goal. Nobody could begrudge him this, not if they really knew everything.

The pain of loneliness still ate at him, and his guilt for all the death on his hands still burdened him. It was only right that he now pay for his crimes. He wondered what his old Anbu teammates would think of him slipping back into Konoha. They'd be furious, he thought. They'd want revenge. If they found him out, they could have it. If he gave them a chance. He wouldn't fight them. No, he was done fighting. He'd slip past them like a ghost and keep to himself.

Itachi thought about nothing else but the food he would eat, the beauty of Konoha, and the bittersweet reunions he would have. He would slip in and live his life, as if he had always been there.

Itachi forged the papers and paid the fees for new identification. There were enough bandits around, without any conscience, whom he could count on to help him. He was tempted to put them out of their misery but refrained. Itachi was already seeped in blood. He no longer had to be a criminal.

That's how he found himself in the middle of a Konoha rice paddy field below the mountain. He stooped, picking the plant and breaking his back all day in the blaring sun. It was honest work, and he sweat through his overalls to do it. He recognized every inch of land in Konoha and knew who owned it and who lived on it. He couldn't avoid remembering the politics, even as he avoided it. He was the bottom rung of the ladder, and he cherished every moment of real work.

The owner of the farm was an older woman who had thirteen children, none of which were shinobi. She didn't know anything about ninja, and only spoke of the things that mattered to her and her land. He learned a lot from her and cherished her. Her name was Sashi. Itachi became her number one worker, and he lived in the barn of her farm.

"The war is coming, they say. We must give to the cause, they say. I want to know where they think this extra food is going to come from? Where will we get the money to support this massive army?" Sashi muttered, as they cleaned up for the evening.

"Don't worry, mother. Yuki is here. He works enough for three men," her son, Ryuichi said.

Itachi's undercover name was Yuki now, and he nodded solemnly toward Ryuichi.

"Good thing too. What with all the rations needed, and the budget cuts from the Hokage. We must all make sacrifices."

They had watched from their vantage point on the rising slopes of Konoha as the armies came together and set up camp. Itachi was there for months, and he had finally relaxed a little into his role as the farmhand Yuki. After months without using the sharingan his eyes were finally healing a little. He didn't dare use them.

"Yuki, I need some help bringing the rice over to the village. Do you mind going?" Ryuichi asked, solemnly. "Sorry to ask so much of you after everything you do for us. We are short handed now, because of the war. All of the retired shinobi who used to work for us have gone off to fight."

"Of course," Itachi said. He was brown as Ryuichi now and blended in with the other farm hands now. He hadn't been recognized for months but he still had reservations about going into certain parts of town.

Itachi helped him load the wagon, wiping his face with a green handkerchief and donning his gloves. He wore a white shirt and blue overalls and had kept his hair close-cut short to keep up his disguise. He still had a bad feeling about going into town. He had always stayed behind before, so his heart beat was racing. He put the handkerchief around his neck and left his straw hat behind. It wouldn't do to look anything like Itachi Uchiha of Akatsuki, he thought.

The town was looking somewhat deserted. People were readying for war, and the most noble of families were either directly involved in the fighting or the politics of war. Itachi made sure he copied Ryuichi's slightly stooped gait, and his simple manner. They were surrounded by the other citizens, working hard to unload different packages of food. Shinobi were more and more rare as the preparations moved forward.

Itachi almost let his guard down, when suddenly a man appeared with a forehead protector on. He hailed Ryuichi and asked him some questions as Itachi inwardly cringed. The man glanced at him momentarily but simply smiled and kept talking. Ryuichi nodded, and gestured toward Itachi, who tried not to frown grimly back.

The shinobi was a chunin. How Itachi knew this he couldn't pinpoint exactly, but the man didn't have the demeanor, nor the eyes of a killer; he was too bright to be a jonin and too strong to be a genin. There were many signs. He was quite a tan man, slightly older than Itachi, with brown eyes and hair. He laughed sheepishly with an arm behind his head while he talked. His hands were covered in pen marks and paper cuts. A desk worker. The man glanced around the clearing, purposefully, his observant eyes taking in everybody and everything. Someone of high clearance, as well, and probably higher connections.

"Yuki, this is Iruka-san from the Hokage tower. He needs our help to deliver this to the base. He couldn't get anybody else to assist."

"Shadow clone-no jutsu!" Iruka muttered, expertly making the seals.

"Let's go," Iruka said, and his clone nodded.

"R-right," Ryuichi stuttered, staring at the clone.

Itachi blinked and stared as well, trying to mimic Ruichi's surprise. They all jumped into the wagon, and Iruka lead the way to the base, where the rice was needed. Then they all jumped down and unloaded the rest of it there. Many familiar faces passed as Itachi worked. He could name every ninja that he saw, even some classmates of Sasuke's. It was refreshing to be among allies, and people who he secretly respected. He kept his chakra to a minimum and relied on his muscles to lift and unload. Iruka was efficient, and they were done quickly. Then Iruka offered them a white envelope and bowed them off. They went on their way and Itachi breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

"Shinobi really are show-offs, aren't they?" Ryuichi mumbled.

"Hm. I think he just wanted to get it done quickly, Ryuichi-san."

"I used to think I wanted to be a shinobi, but now I'm just glad for my simple life."

"I agree."

They made their way back, selling off what they had in the market, and then returning to the farm to eat supper.

"Did you see the White Fang's son? He's a general now, isn't he?" Sashi asked.

"I wouldn't know, which one is he?" Ryuichi asked.

"The one with the silver hair, and the mask. He's famous, how could you not know?" Sashi said, exasperated at her son.

"I think I saw someone like that," Itachi remarked.

"He's a handsome devil," Sashi said, with a wink.

Itachi hunkered down, trying not to blush. He had been very uncomfortable when Kakashi appeared, and not just because he was a former teammate and would recognize Itachi easily. He was also someone who Itachi had betrayed and would think badly of him because of it. Their last encounter had not been a nice one. Itachi regretted that he had caused his former comrade to suffer so much. On top of that Kakashi was a genius, and very observant. He could rival Itachi for skill and had the sharingan.

Thoughts of the sharingan naturally reminded him of Sasuke and derailed his worries. Itachi took his leave and went to the barn early. Sashi asked him if he was alright, and why didn't he stay for a game of mahjong, but Itachi demurred and made his excuses. The light of the moon winked down at him, and Itachi let his memories drag him down again into the dark places where his brother was still alive and happy.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Ok so I forgot to mention that there were other characters etc. etc. and oh by the way this is yaoi. The other characters are important enough to be in the story but not that important that I feel like mentioning them. Sorry if these things ruin your expectations or whatever. My real goal is actually to get some other fic authors to open their eyes to the possibilities- since you are probably a better writer than I am. Itachi is actually a really great character, and not really evil by nature. I want to read more fanfiction with interactions between him and the other ninja in Konoha. I'm kind of disappointed I can't find any like that. Someone please write Itachi as a good guy or something interesting. If you know of some good Itachi yaoi fics let me know and I'll check it out. ^.^_

A day in Konoha was worth more than a hundred anywhere else. Itachi was risking life and limb to be there but it was worth it to him. If he could sacrifice everything for a place, then surely, he deserved to live there. He would take that one liberty for his troubles, of which there were many. The heat of summer was beating down on his back again as he battled drought and insects destroying their crops. His eyes were aching again. He had thought he was done with that agony but apparently not.

His vision had improved in some ways, but his eyes would twitch randomly. He seemed to be tapping into the sharingan at random intervals, while he was completely unaware of it. Ryuichi had almost noticed, but Itachi turned away at the last minute. Itachi was trying to learn how to be a civilian, so the loss of control of his eyes was a hindrance. He tried to ice them, to rest them more, and he even tried to wear sunglasses. It didn't help stop the occurrences, it only hid them from other people better.

Itachi began to wander around during the night. Sashi called him crazy, because he should be resting for the next day of back-breaking work. She was right, but Itachi was so restless that he needed to move. The inaction and the routine of his daily life was restrictive for him, and Itachi needed to find some outlet. He had never had peace in his life. When he tried to sleep at night, he was only faced with nightmares so gruesome that he screamed until he woke everybody all the way to the house. The first time it happened Itachi had woke crying and trembling, the memory of the dream already murky. Ryuichi and Sashi had hovered beside him and had even gone back to make him a cup of tea. Their offers to talk about the dream were gently rejected.

So he wandered, and walked through the places where he feared to go during the day. He wore the sunglasses, which were a pair like the Aburame's. Itachi thought they were fashionable, but a bit ridiculous at night. Despite his worries about Anbu and other town watchers, Itachi took to prowling the streets of Konoha, much like his forebears had in the Uchiha police force. It was his birthright to do so, yet he was forced to sneak about while he was at it.

He found himself in the former Uchiha quarter, where the people he had loved had all died by his hands. Itachi stopped at the entrance, knowing Sasuke must have gone inside. Feeling unwelcome, and he pressed his hands together to murmur a respectful prayer, an apology, a plea. He didn't expect forgiveness. He just wanted it.

"That's not a shrine, you know?" A voice called.

It echoed in the silent tomblike place, and Itachi glanced over at the man there. He was ninja. He was armed. He was very threatening. Itachi watched him approach, feeling oddly dazed. It was as if he was submerged in deep water. The pressure from outside forces seemed to make it hard to focus.

"Are you dumb or just deaf?" The ninja said.

"Neither."

"I see. What do you want with them?"

"With whom?"

"With the Uchiha? You clearly have unfinished business with them."

"Yes. That's true. I have to atone."

"Wow. Cryptic. Are you a ninja or a civilian?"

"I'm a farmhand." Itachi said, carefully.

The man looked him over while Itachi did the same, but much more covertly. The man had sandy blond hair, and hazel eyes. His forehead protector rested around his neck, and he kept up a smirk as he overtly looked Itachi up and down. This man was tall, like Kisame. The twin swords he carried on either hip were katana. They seemed to buzz with energy even unsheathed.

"Most farmhands are in bed right now."

"Yes. I couldn't sleep. I wanted to explore the village, since I don't have time during the day."

Itachi broke off awkwardly and glanced back over at the entrance to the Uchiha compound.

"You look familiar. What's your name?"

"Yuki Nakamura."

"I'm Dausuke. Well, got time for a game?"

"I don't play."

"You don't even know what game it is."

"I've never played. Not even as a child." Itachi bit his lip, since he had let that information out, it was a big clue that he wasn't a normal civilian.

"No time like the present to start. Let's go."

Itachi couldn't have escaped without taijutsu so he followed along reluctantly. He had two options, and neither was any good. He wasn't Akatsuki anymore, so that reaction was out. He was who he might have been, if he hadn't become a ninja.

He didn't like this man and he didn't want to go with him.

This situation scared him, but upon reflection he was curious. That was more dangerous than what might happen, because he was in fact interested in finding out what the game was. He wanted the mystery and the unknown and the experience. He wanted to know that any moment he might die, and in doing so he would live life to the fullest.

Upon reflection Itachi knew who this Daisuke was. He was from Root. The Foundation, the underground. Those men were not of Konoha, they were the depths below it. This was evident in Daisuke's darkness, his otherness. It wasn't quite obvious until it was, in the way Daisuke spoke to the way he moved, to the tattoo on his tongue. He was the wrong within Konoha. Itachi smiled because once he had been in the wrong too.

Itachi was still depressed and his own darkness rose up in him. He needed to be reckless. It was a rush. To forget Sasuke for just one moment would be a bittersweet pain, a loss within his loss.

The man brought him to a building. It looked like a house upon first glance, and up the stairs they went. Inside there were tables, a sort of private restaurant. Itachi looked around, letting his face express his interest and his nervousness. This was likely an illegal establishment, and unregulated by Konoha. The man put something on the table, and Itachi glanced at it. There were two small tablets on a napkin, and Itachi wasn't familiar with them. He knew of most mainstream medicines and drugs but these were new.

Itachi realized that Daisuke wanted him to ingest the pill a moment later and frowned. That would not be a tactically safe decision. He'd be at the mercy of this man and would have no control over his actions.

"I- have to work tomorrow."

"So? It will wear off by then."

"What is it?"

"It's a game. Are you in or out?"

"What do I get if I'm in?"

Daisuke laughed, deep and low. His eyes were dark but amused. He seemed so relaxed, that Itachi envied him.

"You'll have to take your chances and find out," Daisuke said.

"What do you get out of it?" Itachi asked.

"Entertainment, and plus you seemed like you needed it. I'm very generous, aren't I? Take the pills and say thanks," Daisuke said.

For a long moment Itachi waffled, his mind going down the likely avenues that would come from every action he could make. He was going to regret this that much was clear, but how much? He wanted to forget, and for a moment he felt his pain envelop him, take over his mind, and on its own his hand reached for the pills. He took both at once and drank the water from the glass on the table.

"Thanks," Itachi rasped.

His only memory of the night included some intense pain and insane amounts of pleasure. Though he was murky on the details he had gotten a card in his pocket by the end of the night with some information on it. He wasn't inclined to read it in his hung-over state. He had a dry mouth and irritable mood; he chugged water from the nearby well before lurching off after Ryuichi. The sun was brutal, but he had his new freedom and his hat on. Itachi was still depressed but at least he'd gotten a slight reprieve from it. He was coming down off a high so exquisite that he was crashing pretty hard. The memories hit him once again and left him struggling for balance.

"It's not free, but you can trade for it. I can see that you're good for it," Daisuke had said after Itachi had downed the pills.

"Can you?" Itachi asked.

Daisuke had given him a smirk like an evil villain in Akatsuki and Itachi had lost focus. His brain offered no further flashbacks. Itachi had woken at dawn in a filthy room above the restaurant. It had been full of others, who were also strung out. He'd slipped out, walked quickly to the farm keeping his head down and his mouth shut. He passed nobody.

Itachi began worrying after a brief lunch of cheese and bread later that afternoon. Had the Daisuke found out who he was? Had Daisuke seen the old Anbu tattoo on his arm or recognized his face?

Itachi worked despite feeling feverish and shaky. He couldn't wait to sleep. Work was the same as always. The rice and the water smelled the same. Finally, Itachi went back to the barn at the end of the day and collapsed onto his makeshift bed. Quietly, he sobbed into the small hay pillow.


	3. Chapter 3

The moment Itachi snapped was full of sudden clarity. That night he fully intended to take the pills from Daisuke. It had become routine. Daisuke handed him the pills as usual. This time Itachi didn't swallow them, but secretly put them in his sleeve. Then he acted high and sat listening to Daisuke speak to another patron of the restaurant. They were both from Root. Itachi dropped his head onto the dirty table and took in the information. They were both completely open in front of him and it amazed him how much to gleaned just lying there.

Then after Daisuke abandoned Itachi in the room upstairs, Itachi stood up. He was feeling terrible withdrawal symptoms but also incredibly enlightened. He went immediately back to the barn at Sashi's farm and dug through the hay for his rusty sword. It was good enough for his purposes that night.

After cutting his hand on the clean part of the blade he used a transportation jutsu to get into the Hokage tower. The split second before the place went crazy he saw the hokage was speaking to someone already, and that person was Kakashi Hatake. Itachi knelt in the center of the room and presented his sword handle to the hokage, holding the blade in his hands.

"Excuse me for interrupting Hokage-sama!" Itachi cried. "Two things before you arrest me, please!"

Then the anbu were on him. There were three kunai aimed at him, three long katana, and one throwing star. Hatake Kakashi stared at him with one grey eye.

"Who are you?" One masked man asked him.

"Uchiha Itachi!" Itachi announced.

They all examined him in dawning horror. They would not have recognized him without his giving himself up and even Kakashi paled in realization. There were long moments where he honestly didn't expect to survive this. Then Tsunade spoke.

"Why should I hear what you have to say?" Tsunade asked.

"Please hear me, Hokage-sama! I do not lie."

"Murderous bastard!" One man spat at him.

"Akatsuki!" Another muttered.

Tsunade approached after several long moments. She took the sword from his hands by the hilt and held it over his bowed head. It still dripped with his blood.

"Tsunade-sama!" A woman cried, her dark eyes wide and fearful.

"Silence Shizune. Two things you say? What could you possibly have to say that would interest me?" Tsunade asked.

Itachi didn't respond immediately. He had no other weapons and was dressed in farmer's clothes. He knew that he had gambled everything on a momentary whim and a hope.

"First, I come to vow my continuing allegiance to Konoha and swear that my brother's death was my own fault. I do not hold Konoha responsible in this. I always have and always will serve Konoha." Itachi squeezed his bloody hand until blood dropped on the stone floor like a promise.

"Very generous of you. Second?"

"I know you have come into power and have had it for a while. You control everything. Everything except Root. When Danzo died he left them independent and still separate from the Hokage. I can give you Root." Itachi said, speaking quickly.

"Where have you been all this time?" Tsunade asked.

"I worked on a farm within Konoha. I was mourning my brother."

"Likely story. How do we trust this traitor when he has done nothing but kill?" the first anbu cried.

"Tsunade-sama, Root can't be trusted in his hands," another protested.

"He's manipulating us."

"Kakashi?" Tsunade asked.

"Yes?"

"What do you make of this?"

"That is quite an offer, if he can pull it off."

"Are you sure it's possible?" Tsunade asked, looking at the rusty sword.

"I can. I'll infiltrate, dismantle, and gain control of Root. Then give you the leash and total control of Konoha, at long last."

"Yes, that's quite the offer indeed. I wonder what makes you so confident. For now, I want time to think about this. You won't begrudge us that much Uchiha-san? Perhaps you should stay in solitary confinement until then."

Itachi bowed and allowed himself to be led out of the room. It was pretty late at night so nobody was around, but the ones who were there to witness his informal arrest were still very watchful and curious. One face was familiar, Iruka from the previous month. He stared, wide-eyed, as Itachi was led away by anbu. Itachi was slightly amused, since for all Iruka knew Itachi was a farm hand. He was locked into the room, and lay down on the bed there, quietly. He didn't know much about Tsunade but he knew that everything was against him. The only hope was that she would somehow know the truth about him. That was an unlikely possibility.

He sat alone in the small cell waiting. He was aching and couldn't sleep. Then after a few hours, the door suddenly opened and Kakashi came inside.

"You can't use chakra down here," Kakashi warned him.

"I know," Itachi said. "I didn't come for a fight."

"Are you sick?"

"I'm fine," Itachi said.

Kakashi looked doubtful at this but simply lay some food down on the small steel table jutting out from the wall and left. Itachi shifted, feeling the dampening effects of the lower level move over him, zapping his chakra. He ate the fruit and bread, then lay down to rest facing the door. It was hours before anybody came for him, and by then it was afternoon of the next day.

"Get up," an anbu called, opening the door.

They chained his hands and he sighed, thinking perhaps this was it for him. It had been a gamble but he had hoped that they would give him a chance. He had never betrayed Konoha, but it seemed that had all been for naught.

He walked up a back staircase, up to the top floors, through several heavy doors. Then they went through one last heavily guarded door, after someone knocked. A voice called for them to enter.

Inside the room were mostly the same people as before. The female hokage, Hatake, and several anbu. Iruka was there too, and Itachi looked at him with wonder at how high his clearance must be. With a breath, Itachi knelt in the center of the room and bowed low to the Hokage.

"Itachi Uchiha, for many reasons I have made my decision. Some of those reasons are top security clearance and cannot be disclosed. Suffice to say you have an impressive history, but also a tarnished one."

That was one word for it. She had summed up his family's massacre and subsequent betrayal of Konoha in one word; it was quite an understatement in his opinion. He was guilty of so many crimes in the name of service to Konoha, that he couldn't even find the line between where his own guilt stood anymore. He was what they had made him into. Now he didn't even have Sasuke as an excuse anymore. His brother had gone to a better place.

Itachi slumped a little as he waited in the long silence. The tension in the room was thick, and everyone staring from Itachi to the Hokage.

"I have decided to grant you a chance to prove yourself. Your mission has been granted. Do not fail me."

Itachi was too professional to gape in shock so he bowed low again, and backed up toward the door, eyes down. Then he turned and walked out. Nobody stopped him, and nobody approached him. He felt like he was contagious. Nobody wanted to come near him. Apparently, what he had was catching.

Now that Itachi had his official mission he walked out with the knowledge that he was once again on the payroll. Not that he cared about the money. It was clearing Sasuke's name and his own that mattered to him. He sighed and thought seriously. He didn't know that he'd be so relieved to have his position in Konoha become official.

He had a mission though, and he had to get serious. Daisuke wouldn't be that easy to deal with, despite Itachi's bravado in the Hokage tower. It would take more reconnaissance before he could act. Itachi went back to the farm. The hokage had kept his sword; it was a symbolic act that kept him at a disadvantage. He would have to earn back her trust. Itachi knew he'd have to borrow a sword. He knew who could lend him one.

Daisuke lived alone. He had no pets, no plants, nothing to show any kind of personality. His only vice as far as Itachi could see was drug dealing, and even that he did sparingly. Itachi wondered if he should feel special. Daisuke specialized in espionage, and luring people into traps. He was at the top of the heap with Root. Daisuke knew who came to profit from Danzo's death, and he knew how to get that person into his pocket. Itachi, in his vulnerable state, had fallen into Daisuke's trap. He'd gone from a peaceful life of regret, to a life hooked on drugs. It had been so easy for Daisuke to hook him, and Itachi had wanted it.

He was the last of the Uchiha, and an early death was not acceptable.

Daisuke was a late riser, since most of his missions were at night. He took a long time grooming himself and was a finicky dresser. Itachi watched his routine and the obsessive way the man checked the mirror. The man was different from Itachi's impression of him. Itachi watched as he went to meet his teammates and the informal replacement of Danzo.

There were eight of them. They all ranged in height and weight and seemed to range in age as well. They all stood very still, kept silent, and seemed to know the unspoken rules by rote. They were off on different missions apparently, and Itachi watched them exit the village from different directions. Then he returned to Daisuke's apartment. He crawled up the side of the building and broke in through the window. The traps and seals on the apartment were advanced, but not enough to stop Itachi.

He got into the apartment and donned some gloves. Then he discovered a locked box which he made quick work of. He hurried, making sure to leave the lock intact. Inside the box were photographs of him. Itachi hissed in irritation. Someone had done their homework. Daisuke had shots of his face from every angle, and almost every time of day. It didn't seem to matter that Itachi's hair had been long. This was enough for the man to recognize him anywhere.

Itachi also found some lists, a scroll with some family jutsu, and some documents signed by Danzo. He left them behind, but not before memorizing the contents. Daisuke was not as paranoid as he should be, if he didn't seal the documents as well. Itachi replaced everything and locked up behind him.

Itachi went back to the farm and worked in the sun for the rest of the day. He made his excuses for being late, claiming he was sick, which he was. Sashi fussed over him and gave him extra rice for lunch. Then it was back to work and then dinner. He felt eyes on him, now. He was pretty sure the anbu were checking up on him now and then. They wanted to make sure his story was true and that he wasn't going to disappear.

Itachi had no visitors. He was grateful for that because not only would it interfere with his mission, it would interrupt his day job which he took seriously.

At night he went to visit the Uchiha compound and then went to the restaurant. Daisuke was there as usual, and he offered the drugs as usual. Itachi took them without hesitation, but stored them in his pocket. Daisuke turned to brag to his friend about how easy it was to drug Itachi. He used Itachi's real name. It was a shock to hear his own name on the man's lips.

"This guy used to be a genius, you should have seen it." Daisuke went on.

"What happened to him?"

"His brother died, and he lost his mind," Daisuke said.

Itachi put his fury on the backburner and listened while seething.

"When are you going to turn him in to the Hokage? He's worth a lot," the other Root member asked.

"Next week. I can't keep shelling out free pills, you know? This isn't a charity."

"You should do it right away, he's trouble," the man said.

"He's pathetic."

"Is Jiro still angling to be the next Danzo?"

"Maybe so, but I am the one who will get the job done." Daisuke said.

"True, he hasn't got a chance against you, Daisuke," the man agreed.

Itachi pretended to moan, and made a show of trying to sit up.

"You're in Root Daisuke-san?" Itachi asked in a dazed voice.

The tension instantly went up and the two men stared at him with grave eyes.

"How can I join up?" Itachi asked.

"You want to join Root?" Daisuke asked slowly.

"Yes, it's my only hope, you know? Ever since Sasuke… I haven't belonged anywhere…"

Itachi rested his head, trying to hide his face. He peered up at the two men who were clearly unhappy with this turn of events.

"Well, I suppose we could try you out," Daisuke said, with deeper meaning in his words that held some threat.

"Great. Do you have a test or something?"

"Yes, something like that," the other Root member said.

TBC…


	4. Chapter 4

_Impossible_  
 _I am King cover (Itachi AMV)_

 _All we had is gone now_  
 _Tell them I was happy_  
 _And my heart is broken_  
 _All my scars are open_  
 _Tell them what I hoped would be_  
 _Impossible, impossible_  
 _Impossible, impossible_  
 _Falling out of love is hard_  
 _Falling for betrayal is worst_  
 _Broken trust and broken hearts_  
 _I know, I know_  
 _Thinking all you need is there_  
 _Building faith on love and words_  
 _Empty promises will wear_  
 _I know (I know)_  
 _And now when all is gone_  
 _There is nothing to say_  
 _And if you're done with embarrassing me_  
 _On your own you can go ahead tell them_

 _Tell them all I know now_  
 _Shout it from the roof tops_  
 _Write it on the skyline_  
 _All we had is gone now_  
 _Tell them I was happy_  
 _And my heart is broken_  
 _All my scars are open_  
 _Tell them what I hoped would be_  
 _Impossible, impossible_  
 _Impossible, impossible_  
 _Impossible, impossible_

There were times when his misery came alive and consumed him, and Itachi let it. He had been so sure that he was on the right path towards protecting Sasuke. Now he was left alone, watching over the village once again. So many things had been taken for granted that he could no longer place blame on any one person or thing for his loss. He did know that the evil in Konoha still thrived under the name of Root, and he was going to rip it out and dispose of it himself. Just as he had before.

The rest was debatable. The moral righteousness of Root could be argued, based on which side you were on. He just didn't have time to philosophize about it. He needed to rejoin the ranks of Konoha so that he could establish his trustworthiness. He had no greater desire than to be brought back into the fold. Otherwise what was he? No more than a petty traitor.

Itachi was worth more than that. He deserved more.

Daisuke was the key behind Root, just as Itachi thought. Daisuke had manipulated Itachi so easily that he thought Itachi was still blinded by the drug and his own mourning. Itachi took a job for them. The first job was a simple courier job. Deliver something for Root to the designated place.

"Here it is, kid. Don't open it, don't lose it, don't drop it. If you can do that then you will be one step closer to Root. Here's the address." Daisuke was smiling at him, his eyes bright and mocking.

Itachi didn't return the smile, out of habit. Itachi watched the man for any sign of what might be inside the box. But surely the man knew that he could use the Sharingan. Someone may have taken the time and care to wrap it in such a way that he couldn't see through it no matter what. He'd try it when he stepped away.

"Itachi, don't fail me. I believe we can be valuable allies to each other."

"The best way to kill a flower is to get the root," Itachi said, his eyes meeting Daisuke's.

Daisuke's eyes narrowed at that and he dropped his smile. "Be careful, Yuki. Someone might think you had ulterior motives."

"I have only one motivation, as you well know, Daisuke-san." With a bow Itachi turned away.

Itachi held the package in his hands carefully, and followed the directions and the map on the back of the paper to the location of the drop point. He ended up underground, in a supposedly abandoned well that had a door leading to a passageway. Beyond that Itachi found a door with the Root insignia on it. Itachi wondered if it had been here all this time, so easily within reach, yet so difficult to find. The Root entrance was unlikely, and it smelled like a sewer.

If he couldn't get into Root and succeed in making the company a loyal member of Tsunade-sama's staff then he may as well give up on everything he had ever attempted to do. He had nothing to offer Konoha as proof of his loyalty otherwise, which was why he shouldn't have spoken so harshly to Daisuke earlier. The due warning seemed necessary somehow. He couldn't just take them down from the inside out without allowing them an out first. It was his final warning before he struck, the only kindness he could offer them.

Three assassins slipped through the water from the northeastern tunnel and attacked. With the package in one hand, Itachi grasped his kunai. He clenched it between his teeth firmly, then unsheathed his rusty blade. Even a dull blade was better than none. The ninja eyed it with eyes that mingled with wariness and skepticism. Itachi took them out with them strikes, and went back to the door to knock.

A man opened the door, and welcomed Itachi inside. If he was surprised to see Itachi either way he didn't show it. The moment Itachi was inside the man pulled him in and stuck a needle in his arm. The move wasn't so fast that he didn't see it coming, but his reflexes weren't as fast as before. He managed to strike before the needle did its damage. The man collapsed. Itachi hardly had a moment to register this fact before two more ninja entered the room and pulled him by his arms. The drugs Daisuke had supplied for months had messed with his body more than Itachi had thought. Then he was chained to a slab in a dark room, his eyes blinded by lights, and someone draining his chakra.

Itachi managed to stay conscious through sheer willpower, but only just. He shifted from his sweaty puddle, and listened to the chatter of the people around him.

"What is your name?"

Itachi refused to answer, knowing how difficult it would be. Lying took too much effort, and the truth was forbidden. After hours of silence the ninja are getting equal parts frustrated and impressed. Itachi wants to drink water and use the bathroom but that is all part of the torture.

Itachi had never been caught long enough to be put through interrogation, and he had not experienced this from of punishment before. The pointless pain made him impatient; the breathlessness made him dizzy. Itachi did black out the second time the pain overwhelmed him.

He woke to Sasuke's voice in his ear.

"Brother," Sasuke called him.

Itachi's entire body twitched though he tried to suppress his completely emotional response to his beloved brother.

"Brother, wake up. Why are you here?"

"No!" Itachi shrieked the word with broken lips.

"Itachi! What's wrong?"

You're not Sasuke, he thought.

Itachi struggled with everything he had against the metal bars and ropes. His skin began to bleed in several places that had already been chaffing. He tugged harder when someone touched his skin and screamed in wordless agony again and again, until his voice came out a scratchy wheeze.

Then Itachi collapsed on the metal slab and refused to answer the probing questions. The poor dead boy he had abandoned to an empty compound, full of ghosts, was not this person. They had his voice but they weren't Sasuke. Itachi lay there, his eyes closed on the blinding light in his eyes, and Sasuke's beautiful voice in his ears, and let the tears pour down his cheeks until his eyes throbbed, puffing out. He was left alone when the pain began to dull his reaction and he could no longer even respond to it. Sasuke's voice had faded back into the hallucination that he knew it to be. The power of suggestion and all that.

Itachi listened hard to the silence around him, breathing evenly, testing the straps. He was going to attempt to escape, and he would probably die in the process, so he had to give it his all. Itachi broke the contraption holding him there, painfully aware of the booming echo as the metal cracked. His hands were bleeding now, as well as his wrists. Someone had been left to guard him.

They met in the doorway, the hum of chakra lit the air as suddenly as an oil fire.

This was no spring chicken, this was a firecracker of a Root ninja; he was young, feral, and idealistic. He was also dead on the floor when Itachi was done with him. Itachi stepped over him, clutching his side and the kunai that Itachi had stolen from him. Itachi forced his way out of the underground stronghold without encountering resistance, his eyes still blinded by the bright light they had burned them with. Itachi could see but only just enough to get somewhere safe. Itachi made his way, going by memory of a night he had trekked through the village, searching out those few people he thought he needed to find. He had a vague idea of where to go.

After searching desperately Itachi got to the third floor apartment of the man in question. He had chosen this person for reliability over power. Itachi used the last of his chakra to cling to the side of the man's apartment and place on hand on the window pane with a wet smack. Something smeared onto the pane from his hands. He couldn't fathom what it might be, since his vision was hazy. Itachi tried to summon the crow and almost fell off the wall, but the window was open and someone grabbed his arm as he began to roll off.

The next thing he knew, someone was patching up the gaping wound on his stomach.

The man hovered over him with a needle and a thread, to sew him up. A bloody towel lay on his lap. Brown eyes met black, and Itachi sighed, then coughed because his throat was aching.

"Itachi- right? That's your name," Iruka asked, with a frown.

Itachi nodded to spare his throat.

"You're helping us?" asked Iruka, hesitantly. Us, meaning Konoha, Itachi figured.

Itachi nodded again, and gestured holding a cup and drinking. Iruka blinked at him in momentary amusement.

"Oh! You want a drink?" Iruka asked.

Itachi nodded for the third time, glancing down at his blood-stained hands. How poetic.

"Did you- Are you-?" Iruka struggled, his face a mask of confusion and concern.

Itachi, with a rush of jealousy, watched Iruka's honest face as he offered the drink and gave up on his questions.

"You are ..." Itachi forced out.

"I'm sorry? What did you say?"

"You are the Konoha..."

"Huh?"

"... that I thought I was. You have what I had. You have everything." Itachi said, his eyes clenched shut with the depth of his envy and the pain beneath it.

"I don't... No. That's not true. You don't know what I am or what I have. So please don't look that way." Iruka said.

Itachi grimaced, thinking perhaps that Iruka didn't understand, or perhaps he willfully chose not to. Or maybe Itachi was just too blinded by jealousy to see things clearly. Iruka seemed to take a moment to study Itachi.

" I lost many things. My parents died when I was young, and I was so empty. So, so alone. I had nothing. I am just like you." Iruka clenched at the bloody towel in his hands. "Well... I just mean that we all have our battles to fight."

"Love," Itachi said, frowning at the scratching pain in his throat. "That's all I ever had for Konoha. Now he's dead."

For a while Iruka stared pensively down at him as he lay on the floor. Iruka had made him as comfortable as possible as he patched him up.

"Do you want to go to the hospital? They can do a better job of this," Iruka asked.

"No."

They sat in silence, and Iruka tried to help him wash his hands and face of blood. Itachi was exhausted, and watched Iruka more closely than before. Itachi had not been this close to a regular ninja in so long. Iruka was slightly older than Itachi. He had clear, guiltless eyes and a straightforward manner. His apartment had everything a home should have, including comfortable furniture and all of the decorations of a well lived place. Iruka wasn't merely surviving here, he was thriving. Itachi again felt another pang of envy and tried to banish it this time.

A photograph of a blue eyed boy smiled down from the wall and Itachi averted his gaze from it.

"I apologize."

Iruka looked at him.

"My role often brought me to a level of violence I do not truly condone. I regret it if anyone was harmed." There was so much he couldn't or wouldn't say, but basically he owed so many people and a mere apology wasn't enough.

Iruka found the photo on the wall that he was looking at and then he peered at Itachi like there was some deep mystery to understand in him.

"Naruto was very hurt to find out about Sasuke. I'm terribly sorry for your loss." Iruka said.

Itachi hummed in response, unable to speak his gratitude. He was still raw from his loss in spite of his efforts to move on. Using drugs had been a huge set back and he was still physically ill from it. Itachi fell asleep on the floor of Iruka's apartment, feeling comfortable and oddly safe.

The next morning Itachi woke early and saw Iruka send out a scroll on a messenger bird. Itachi pretended to sleep some more, until the bird returned. A few minutes later and someone knocked on the door. Through this Itachi continued to keep his eyes shut, and listen.

"How did **he** get here?" A deep voice asked.

"He showed up here last night, covered in blood." Iruka said.

"The army is moving out soon, and I have to lead them," Kakashi said, his voice somewhat on edge.

"I know... He doesn't want the hospital. Is he really fighting with Root?" Iruka asked.

"That's classified. I should have known this would happen. You attract trouble."

"Excuse me, if I recall you appeared here quite a few times, yourself. Are you calling yourself trouble?"

Kakashi snorted in response to that.

"He has a mission to do, and then the Hokage will make her final decision." Kakashi said.

Itachi began to wonder what their relationship was. They seemed quite familiar with each other.

"Itachi, you better eat something. The blood loss was too much. Otherwise Iruka will have to kick you out, in the hopes that you'll go to the hospital yourself. Or he could always just summon the hokage. Your call," Kakashi said, over Iruka's shoulder.

"Yes." Itachi said with a sigh.

Iruka glanced at him, obviously surprised to find him awake. Itachi blinked as he looked him over, assessing Iruka's reaction and weighing it against what he knew of the man. Iruka did not like sneaky people, either, it seemed. Itachi hoped Iruka wouldn't actually summon the hokage before Itachi could be on his way. However, despite being physically capable of leaving, Itachi was wounded in way that meant he felt completely incapacitated. Hearing Sasuke's voice had been too much. His pain seemed to run on and on, pulling him down into a vortex.

When Iruka went to work the next day Itachi missed his presence. It was strange he had never missed someone before, except for his family and Shisui. Iruka felt like family.

Itachi lay on the floor in a stupor, and could hardly move for two days. He was reminded of the month he had spent clinging to Kisame, shocked and trying to numb his pain. Now Itachi was slightly less debilitated. He ate when Iruka offered him food and cleaned himself as needed. He even offered Iruka his ring since it was the only thing of any worth that he had to repay him. Yet he couldn't think beyond these basic tasks.

Iruka didn't seemed to mind caring for him, just as Kisame hadn't. Iruka was different from Kisame in many ways though. For one, Iruka was deeply concerned and expressed his concern much more openly. He was also slightly afraid of Itachi, and couldn't help but be obvious about it. Iruka would draw back if Itachi moved too quickly, and watched Itachi more often than he normally would have a comrade. Though in contrast to his fears he welcomed Itachi as a guest and seemed pleased when he let Iruka help him. It was the oddest mix of wariness and trust that Itachi had ever encountered.

Based on the things Itachi had done he would be surprised if Iruka wasn't at least a little wary of him. Any wise shinobi could sense Itachi veiled strength, just beyond his calm façade. However, the despair Itachi was going through seemed to eclipse even that. He could barely force himself to get up, yet he managed to make himself clean for Iruka as well.

Itachi was comfortable there, and he decided to test the boundaries of hospitality by answering the door while Iruka showered that evening. There were two chunnin at the door with a jug of sake, and Itachi stared at them for a moment before turning and leaving the decision to enter up to them. They gawked at his pale, emotionless face and then began calling for Iruka, as they took their shoes off.

"Coming!" Iruka called from the bathroom.

The two chunnin were sitting at the kotatsu, and Itachi sat across from them on the futon Iruka had supplied. He watched them. They were aware of him, but also somewhat respectful of his presence, as if any friend of Iruka's was automatically a friend of theirs. Iruka padded through the hall to the kitchen and they listened to his progress, eyeing Itachi, who ignored the chunnin, by grabbing up a shooting star from the shelf and practicing with it. The eyes now followed the star as it boomeranged around the ceiling in a perfect arch, and returned to Itachi every time. Itachi stopped only when Iruka entered the room.

"Hey! I forgot all about tonight. I had an unexpected visitor as you can see. He dropped in bleeding all over the place, and I couldn't resist. You know how I am," Iruka laughed, and sat beside them bearing snacks.

"You always get the strays don't you?"

Itachi eyed the man with a certain intensity at being called a stray and flung the star again, just because. Iruka took exception to this behavior and turned to look Itachi in the eye.

"Please do not throw weapons in my apartment, Itachi-kun. I don't want any holes in the walls or my guests, and besides it's disrespectful. I know you didn't mean it like that but it makes me uncomfortable besides," Iruka said, assertively.

"My apologies." Itachi smiled a little, and instead pulled a small book out of the bookshelf, returning the star to its place.

The two men seemed shocked to hear his name and his sincere apology to Iruka. They were gawking openly at him, as if they couldn't believe it.

It was a book of pictures, and most of them included the staff of the mission room, and Iruka's friends.

"Iruka ..." One of them said.

"Don't mind it, Izumo. I have found Itachi-kun to be a polite and considerate guest, so far. Kakashi-san even came over to greet him earlier. He's healing up well, too." Iruka said, smiling at Itachi happily.

Itachi stared at the expression, unused to such open joy at his presence. Not many people could just forget his past so easily like that. Smoothly, Iruka moved on, turning the conversation to work and his students. The others were forced to follow his lead, or get caught flatfooted. Itachi breathed in the atmosphere of friendly banter, and subtle consideration, and felt himself beginning to relax. His gladness for being there, mingled with guilt at being there, and he turned his head, to allow his tears to fall, once or twice, in dubious privacy. He hoped they didn't see it, and he hoped to leave soon.

* * *

 _To be continued._

 _At first I wanted this to be a Kakashi/Itachi fic. Now I'm not so sure ... hmmm... BTW sorry about any typos. Review?_


	5. Chapter 5

_Back home I always thought I wanted so much more,  
_ _now I'm not too sure  
_ _Cause sometimes I miss knowing someone's there for me and feeling free  
_ _Free to stand beside the ocean in moonlight  
_ _And light myself a smoke beneath the dark Atlantic sky_

 _Another sunny day in Californ-i-a_  
 _I'm sure back home they'd love to see it_  
 _But they don't know that what you love is ripped away_  
 _Before you get a chance, before you get a chance to feel it_

 _Everybody here is living life in fear of falling out of line_  
 _Tearing lives apart and breaking lots of hearts just to pass the time_  
 _And the eyes get red in the back of your head, this place will make you blind_  
 _Put it all behind me and I'll be just fine_

 _YellowCard -Back Home_

* * *

Itachi lay asleep when suddenly the scent of blood woke him. He sat up in the barn, his senses completely alert, and his heart racing. He didn't see or hear a sound but he recognized the feeling that he had. Someone nearby had been killed. He sat up, and grabbed his short sword. He had left Iruka's house the other day and had returned to the farm to help. They had welcomed him back with a small meal of rice and seaweed, some salmon and some daikon radish. He had enjoyed the meal simply because it had felt like he had returned home. They were simple people, but kind. Sashi and her children had done their chores before bed, and had bid him goodnight.

Itachi went to the door of the barn and saw nobody, and there were no lights on up at the house. He knew someone had been killed nearby though. He had the sinking sensation of his memories of murdering his clan, with the help of Madara Uchiha. Flashbacks threatened to overwhelm him, and he began to tense up. He wore the sunglasses on his head out of habit, and he threw them onto the ground.

He felt disoriented and still heavy with sleep. The place was pitch black, and no stars lit the sky above as he made his way toward the house. He had to activate the sharingan just to see where it was. He stumbled a bit on a stone, and his breathing shortened.

A sudden sound of someone moving alerted him as he approached the main house. He turned on the light and saw Sashi-san shifting as she bled on the floor. Someone had stabbed her. He found the rest of her family dead, scattered around the house with wounds like a katana had pierced their skin. They had all been stabbed while he was sleeping in the barn. Itachi knelt beside Sashi-san, a sickening feeling overwhelming him. This was his fault. He should never have come in the first place.

 _-the darkness of the house, and the terrible scent of death only brought him to a terrible memory. He struggled against it, trying to deny its power over him-_

Itachi checked Sashi's pulse and then ran to the top floor of the house. He took a paper bomb and tied it to a piece of wood, and then he launched it over the house to explode far above, and alert anbu of the crime. The bomb went off and lit up the night, and Itachi went back to Sashi's side. The woman was already dead. The others had also expired. It was a gruesome and horrific display of violence, one that reminded him of the destruction he had caused.

Itachi tried to keep his wits about him, but the shock was overwhelming. He managed to get himself back to the barn, collect his sunglasses, the small package of Sasuke's eyes that he had kept, and his sword. Then he went to Iruka's place. This time he knocked on the door properly.

"Excuse me Iruka-san," Itachi said when the door opened.

"Can I help you, Itachi-kun?"

"Someone attacked the farm. Can you hold on to these things until I get back? I can't take care of them right now, but I'll be back for them. Please don't open that package." Itachi turned to go.

"Of course. Be careful, Itachi-kun. I don't want you to get hurt. I just mean- be safe!"

"Thank you," Itachi said gravely.

Iruka was staring at him with large eyes, his face full of concern.

"Are you alright?" Iruka asked, touching a hand to Itachi's.

That was how Itachi realized his hands were shaking.

"Ah, yes. Sashi-san and her children were murdered. I think it was Root's doing, or just Daisuke-san's..."

"Oh no! Who is Daisuke-san? A Root member?"

"Yes. He is devious, but I never thought he would attack innocent people like this just to get to me," Itachi said.

"I'm sorry. They were kind to you, weren't they?"

"Yes, they were. I have to find him."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet," Itachi said.

"Do what you must. Just come back," Iruka said, solemnly.

"Thank you," Itachi turned to go.

-h _e could remember it perfectly, as if every moment had been engraved in his mind. There were strangers, and neighbors, each one an Uchiha, each one a human being with a family, friends, and comrades. Some of them weren't even ninja. They were his mission, and the price he had to pay for Sasuke's life-_

Daisuke was one of three potential leaders of Root. Previously he had kept things balanced with the other two, but Itachi could see that he was getting more and more full of himself. Now Daisuke was trying to take the reins more frequently. Itachi had spied on him enough to know that there was some resentment between the members and the infighting was becoming more intolerable. For now he had to deal with Daisuke. After that he could see what happened.

- _Itachi had help but he still had a lot of work to do that night, and every one was a purgatory of pain for him even if he didn't know them. It felt like he was burning with agony, because he was betraying them in their eyes. His parents hadn't struggled, and he had tried to make sure nobody had a painful death, but it couldn't always be avoided. The memories haunted him and he could almost smell it again-_

He found Daisuke at the Uchiha compound.

"What have you done, Daisuke-san? Did you kill Sashi-san and Ryuichi?" Itachi asked.

"I did," Daisuke said.

"Why? They didn't have anything to do with this," Itachi said.

Daisuke sneered at him. "You have nothing to do with Root. I know who you are Uchiha Itachi. I killed them as a warning. Stay out of Root business, or we'll get rid of you."

"That is impossible for you."

"We'll see."

Itachi removed the glasses from his face, and allowed the Sharingan to dilate. His eyes immediately felt the heaviness and the pain. He was rusty but not so bad that he couldn't use them.

Itachi had already gotten Daisuke in his genjutsu and the man was struggling. Itachi watched him twitch and shiver against the images that Itachi had sent through to him mind. It was not pleasant, and Itachi got no satisfaction from it. With a breath he took his sword and took aim at the defenseless man, hesitating for a moment. Then he moved in a smooth motion to stab the man, and get it done with. Daisuke raised his sword as if some instinct could save him, even during the genjutsu. Itachi was impressed that the man could be able to defend himself even while watching the images play out. He was that good a swordsman.

 _-always the most terrible memory was of how small Sasuke seemed when he had tried to fight back, and worse when he had run away. The way his brother had cried, screamed for mercy, as if Itachi could ever harm a hair on his head, especially after holding him as a baby. He had been so dear, so good, and always the soft little baby. Sasuke was alive, that was all that mattered-_

Itachi looked down at the man as he bled, his eyes still closed, his breathing ragged. It was horrible to witness. Itachi swiftly put him out of his misery. He was exhausted when it was finished. Daisuke had given him ample reason to dispatch of him but Itachi was still sorry. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had just added to the chains of guilt that already weighed him down. You couldn't just shake off this kind of thing, and he had always been in this line of work, since he was a child. He couldn't take it lightly.

Grimly, Itachi went to the Root entrance and left Daisuke's body there. It was a message for the other leaders, and Itachi waited for them at the restaurant where Daisuke had brought him. Surely they would come looking for him, after what had happened at Sashi-san's farm. He didn't wait long.

A man and a woman met him there. They sat across from Itachi, their hands on the table, and their eyes on Itachi's hands.

"Did you kill them? Did you help him?" Itachi asked.

"With what?"

"He killed the farmers I lived with. Did you help him?"

"No, of course not!" The woman said.

Itachi studied them, weighing their expressions and their words, trying to judge their sincerity. He relaxed slightly, finding them more or less believable.

"What do you want?" The man asked.

"I want Root to submit to the Hokage from now on. You will answer to her going forward."

"Is that what this is all about? You did all this just to put a leash on Root? The purpose of Root is to be free from that person."

"Perhaps it's time for Root to meet the light of day, then." Itachi said. "Make your decision. The hokage won't tolerate your insubordination for long."

"What did you promise her? She never bothered with us before," the woman asked.

"She wants Root under her watchful eye now that Danzo is gone."

"If we give her Root," the man began, then hesitated.

The woman hissed to silence him.

"If?"

"We want to be part of the running of Root."

"That could be negotiated if you come with me now to the Hokage tower. Take a few minutes to discuss it."

Itachi went to the bar to order some water, as they whispered to each other.

After a while they seemed to slump and stop talking and Itachi went over to them.

"We agree to come with you to negotiate with the Hokage."

"Very well. Let's go."

They walked to the hokage tower, taking all of the proper entrances to get in with permission. Itachi didn't want to bring these two directly to the hokage's office. He had only done that out of desperation. He waited patiently with them, and they were stiff and nervous as expected.

Itachi led the way into the office when they were finally granted admission. They all bowed together, and Itachi introduced the two as the leaders of Root, though he didn't know their names.

"Hokage-sama! I am Ren and this is Luna. We are the informal leaders of Root at the moment."

"How may I help you?"

"We would like to offer up Root and its services to you, hokage-sama!"

"How generous of you. I have Itachi to thank for this I suppose?"

"Yes, ma'am." Itachi answered, since of course it was true.

"Very well. Itachi, you are to report to Kakashi- and follow his orders. He is located in Fire Country at the east fort. Please make sure he reads this scroll. Dismissed."

Itachi was shocked and a little appalled. He had to work with Kakashi?

"Yes, hokage-sama!" Itachi bowed, and left Root to her.

TBC

Sorry for any mistakes. Rereading now.


	6. Chapter 6

_Don't talk of worlds that never were_  
 _The end is all that's ever true_  
 _There's nothin' you can ever say_  
 _Nothin' you can ever do_  
 _Still every night I burn_  
 _Every night I scream your name_  
 _Every night I burn_  
 _Every night the dream's the same_  
 _Every night I burn_  
 _Waiting for my only friend_  
 _Every night I burn_  
 _Waiting for the world to end_

 _The Cure - Burn Lyrics_

* * *

Itachi landed unsteadily on a branch and adjusted his balance. He had already spent a week in the third company and was still struggling to get used to working under Kakashi again. There was so much bad blood between them now. Kakashi's cold eye upon Itachi's arrival had said it all, and Itachi was forced back into the Akatsuki role's mind frame for one fathomless minute. In that moment had the highest potential for a physical confrontation between them, before someone else spoke. The lower ranking officer's curiosity took over the conversation. Itachi had been unprepared for the level of animosity he had experienced with the general.

Kakashi played his role to perfection otherwise. He had grown and continued to stay level headed even when he had returned to the jonin rank and responsibility. It didn't surprise Itachi to find out that Kakashi had been Sasuke's jonin team leader. It did make the bitterness between them even more vile, thinking about how much time Kakashi had gotten to spend training Sasuke, while Itachi had been playing the violent criminal among psychotic warlords, known as Akatsuki. He could never get the taint off, not even in his own view of himself and who he was.

The lines had been blurred to such a level that Itachi had become a confused and useless man, someone who wasn't even fit to do more than manual labor. He was so bruised and shredded by the loss he'd experienced that he found it difficult to do more than follow orders step by step, obsessing endlessly with the perfection he wished to perform each task. Kakashi, to his credit, seemed to understand and supply him with clear and concise orders that he could follow wordlessly.

The first few times Kakashi had seemed surprised to find him so willing to comply. Afterward Kakashi seemed to accept the role as Itachi's superior once again, scolding him and praising him with a familiarity that the other soldiers seemed to wonder about- the Konoha soldiers at least. None of them had recognized him, yet.

Itachi had arrived to witness a well-organized camp and had seen first-hand how determined Kakashi was to create order out of chaos. Being able to inspire loyalty from so many different ninja from across the nation had not been an easy task. Itachi had been afraid to be left out. He had approached Kakashi right away.

"Who are you?" The assistant had asked, staring at Itachi with a rude glare.

Itachi saw Kakashi recognize him and watch him deal with the aggressive assistant.

"I want to be sent to the front lines," Itachi said, determinedly moving around the assistant too fast for him to keep up.

"No. You're not ready." Kakashi said.

"What do you mean I'm not ready? I'm telling you I want to go. I am probably the best ninja here!"

Itachi didn't know where his rage had come from, but he was suddenly livid. The men around the nearby camp had heard his words and were glaring daggers at him. Some younger ninja who had been talking and laughing went silent and peered at him curiously. A girl with blond hair was checking him out. Kakashi merely stared at him for a long moment.

"Your eyes are glassy, you look like you've experienced severe trauma recently. You are forgetting things, such as buckling your bag, for example. You seem calm most of the time, but you are nervous and high strung. Though you have clearly succeeded in your mission, you haven't been taking care of yourself properly otherwise. You haven't been eating and sleeping properly. You don't need to tell me these things because I can clearly see that you aren't in the right state of mind."

Itachi glared down at his bag and saw that Kakashi was right, he had forgotten to buckle it. The contents had almost fallen out. He hadn't been eating much since Sashi and her family had died. What Kakashi was saying was true. Itachi turned away and stormed out of the camp. He was still holding the scroll Tsunade had given him in his hands.

Itachi clenched his teeth, feeling himself unraveling. He had experienced so much loss that he was probably going to be in pain for a long time. Itachi knew this but having it rubbed in his face was not helping him deal with it any better.

"Wait," Kakashi called, rushing after him.

Itachi turned and threw the scroll at his face. It hit Kakashi's forehead protector with a small thwack before Kakashi caught it.

Itachi surged forward to punch Kakashi but his aim was off because his vision was blurry, and Kakashi expertly used his momentum to twist him around and bring him down on one knee with a kick to the back of his leg, moving in behind him to speak in his ear.

"It's not wise to attack the general of an army in the middle of his own camp. Go get washed up, eat something at the mess hall, and come back here. If you want to duke it out then that's fine. Get yourself together Itachi," Kakashi whispered harshly in his ear.

Kakashi shoved Itachi hard and he fell face first on the ground. He lay there breathing in dust and dirt, surrounded by witnesses who were potential enemies. Itachi had not thought his actions through and he already regretted them. However, the looks he received when he finally stood were sympathetic, curious, and amused. He had obviously just been brought down a peg in front of a lot of others who had also learned not to mess with their general. Itachi brushed himself off and began sniffing around for the mess hall, wiping his face. For some reason it was slightly damp.

The blond girl moved towards him and offered him a handkerchief, which he took with a nod of thanks.

"Where is the mess hall?"

"Over there." She pointed.

"Thank you," Itachi murmured.

Itachi reluctantly followed the orders he'd been given, trying to do more than move mechanically. He forced himself to really observe the camp, it's structure, it's army and see past the chaos. Some of the ninja were clearly low-level lackeys. Others were the best of their clans, and they were struggling to bring the lackeys up to a higher level of competence. They were teaching classes, putting the others through their paces. Itachi though they were lucky to have ninja from other clans working together. It had never happened before.

After eating Itachi was able to see the wisdom of what Kakashi had said. It was a hard lesson but Itachi had to give himself time. He couldn't just expect to be at his best when he was so distracted. Sitting over his empty tray, Itachi gave himself a moment to analyze his own status and think about it. He was depressed, and he knew it. He hadn't been eating, his sleep was always restless, and he was constantly berating himself for Sasuke's death. With a disgusted sigh he picked up the tray and returned it. Then he went to find somewhere to clean up.

For once he took his time to bathe, and really enjoy himself. He wanted to forgive himself for his brother's death and let go of his guilt a little. Or at least accept his role in it.

Kakashi found him in the river that night. Apparently, he had become concerned when Itachi hadn't come back from his "mission". Itachi was crying freely under the full moon. It was pathetic and cathartic. When he saw Kakashi approach he instantly tensed up and turned on him.

"I know you trained my brother. He was on your team. Why couldn't you stop him from leaving? He was just a child!"

Kakashi walked out onto the river, his chakra keeping him from slipping under. He knelt there beside Itachi, his face serious beneath the mask.

"He told me when we first met that his goal was to kill you; he was consumed by it. That kind of passion can't be contained. Sasuke was driven by vengeance. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen. It's not my fault and it certainly isn't your fault, Itachi."

Itachi sobbed, crumbling under the strain of trying to keep himself going. His knees gave out and he almost sank under the water, but Kakashi grabbed him and shored him up, then pulled him up above the water. With a jerk he knelt and rested Itachi against his shoulder then stood, picking him up in the process. Itachi rested against Kakashi, his mind numb. He felt wrung out, and he couldn't force himself to move. His eyes felt hot in his head, and he was freezing cold.

Itachi must have dozed because he woke up in a large tent, dark except for a candle. He was laying in a large futon and saw Kakashi working at a desk writing something.

"Are you alright?" Kakashi asked without turning.

"I don't think so. I'm feeling feverish," Itachi said, his throat dry and hot.

"Ah." Kakashi did turn then and put his hand on Itachi's head.

"You _are_ hot, let me get you some miso soup or tea…" Kakashi called his assistant.

Itachi felt himself moving in and out of fever dreams, sometimes moaning and crying out for Sasuke or his parents. In the middle of the night Shisui came to him, speaking gently, caressing his hot skin. Several times he came to sooth Itachi or put a comforting hand on his forehead to calm him in the night. Then he pressed soft lips to Itachi's.

"I'm glad you're back, Itachi."

"Shisui," Itachi called, hoarsely.

Itachi woke to the comforting warmth of another body pressed to him. He sat up, feeling like the fever had broken in the night. He was sweaty now from the blankets. Itachi glanced beside him at the other occupant of the bed, somehow confused to find Kakashi there. Had he dreamed someone else was here? It obviously hadn't been Shisui, since his lover had passed away long ago. Kakashi slept in his mask and black sleeveless shirt. He was more youthful in his sleep.

Itachi quickly disentangled himself from the futon blankets and crept over to get his things. Then he went and joined the other troops in their routine. He exercised with them and when they paired off to practice fighting Itachi was saddled with an unknown Sand ninja. The young man was about Itachi's age, but taller and more muscular. It soon became clear that Itachi was much stronger, and they paired him with another ninja.

Itachi beat that ninja too, just using taijutsu. He was reluctant to use the sharingan. Finally he had to admit he was too exhausted, and that he had been sick the night before. They all stopped for lunch. That night Itachi had the realization that he had nowhere to sleep but with Kakashi. He hadn't thought to get assigned to a tent. He'd have to remedy that tomorrow, but for now he was stuck sleeping in a tree or in Kakashi's tent. So Itachi snuck into the tent after dark. The tent was empty, and Kakashi nowhere to be seen. Itachi stretched out there and fell asleep.

When he woke he had Kakashi there, his hand holding onto Itachi's arm. He was deeply asleep though, because he was actually snoring softly. It must have been around three am. Itachi stared at him, wondering just what he was trying to do, give Itachi someone else to love just to lose them once again? Itachi really couldn't risk it right now.

The next day Itachi found another tent to sleep in.

The ninja army was going to be making its way to the land of Frost. In the meantime Kakashi had decided that the Uchiha must be kept under his watchful eye, and therefore they would be camping as near to each other as possible without actually sharing a tent anymore. The general apparently was the only one to sleep alone in the whole camp. Itachi was forced to share a small one with three others. The arrangement only lasted a week before things changed.

"Hey, Yuki! Cap'n said we're moving out in one hour," a Sand Lieutenant said.

"Got it." Itachi nodded.

"He said you should pack up and meet at the General's tent."

"Yessir."

The Sand lieutenant seemed confused as to why the late-comer to the ranks of the army was suddenly being summoned to a private meeting with the upper ranks. Itachi finally shrugged at the man's blank expression, and the lieutenant left scratching his head in dissatisfied confusion. "Yuki" hadn't made any friends in the troop, but he had met some interesting characters. There was Wataru, a bombastic Mist ninja with the blue hair; another was Jet, a tall young man from Rock with spikey black hair; and finally, Seven a Sand ninja that remembered the third great ninja war a little too often for the rest of them. Those were the ninja he was sharing a tent with. There were scores of others that he didn't know at all.

Moments later, Itachi arrived at Kakashi's tent and the assistant standing outside it announced him politely. Itachi had never seen Tobi with a secretary and tried to imagine what he or she might be like. It was a strange thought, and it flew from his mind as soon as he got inside the tent. The General sat with two ninja, who looked so young, and totally unprepared for this war. One of them looked bored, and the other tense. They were both around Sasuke's age.

"Yuki. This is Shikamaru and Neji. Yuki here has information for you about the members of Akatsuki. You will listen to his information. How he got it is irrelevant. Yuki."

Though sudden, the demand for him to fill in the blanks of the bingo book was not unexpected. Itachi told them everything he knew about Akatsuki, even giving them information about the former Leaf ninja, Itachi Uchiha, much to Kakashi's silent amusement. The tired boy eyed him lazily and seemed disinterested. The other one merely frowned at him. When Itachi finished he glanced at Kakashi, and the assistant who had written it all down. The information wasn't nearly enough to think they could take down Akatsuki, of course.

"I'm giving you three a special side mission. This one will be important for our success. You two will act as backup for Yuki. He has been a spy for Leaf and the enemy knows him. You will find the members of Akatsuki and get more information from them. If things get violent you two are to back Yuki only if he asks you to. Otherwise you stay out of sight. Got it?" Kakashi says.

"Yes sir." The two said.

"Try to do your best to track the members. If you are unsuccessful come back before the next full moon. Dismissed."

Itachi looked at the two younger men.

"This new mission is going to be dangerous. We better get going if we have only one month." The serious one said.

"Right. Meet you at the gate in ten? I have to get my stuff and tell Choji I'm leaving."

"Fine. Yuki-san?" Serious checked.

"Sounds good. Meet you there."

Itachi packed his things hurriedly and began plans of his own. He'd need to go back to the village where he had been before. To find his coat. That or he'd buy another. His short hair was a little setback, but it wouldn't hurt so much as the coat.

"You're leaving Yuki?" Seven asked, curiously.

"Yes, I have a job. Thank you for the blanket," Yuki said.

"No problem."

Itachi met with the two ninja, and discretely eyed them. He could tell they were elite since they were decked out like they were from major clans in Konoha and acted with a confidence that bespoke their experiences and skills. It was just that they were too honest, too good. Itachi had shed that self-righteous good-guy attitude like a second skin, and now he couldn't be that person anymore. All he had was the ashes of his former life.

Itachi didn't speak to them much at all not even small talk. They were shooting glances at him surreptitiously, obviously aware that he was not their typical straightforward companion. He was surprised Kakashi had kept so much from them. It was a burden and Itachi felt like he was babysitting two brats who couldn't fully be trusted with the truth.

The serious one was stoically accepting the role he had been set and avoiding Itachi- as much as one could in a small tent. The bored one was playing word games with him, trying to get something out of him.

"You're a Konoha ninja right?" Shikamaru asked.

"Yes," Itachi said, simply.

"What do you think of Tsunade-sama as compared to the third Hokage?"

"…" Itachi thought this was an obvious attempt to see where his loyalties lie, but more than that he thought his own silence was testament to the fact that he didn't really know anything about her. He had met her briefly, spoken to her once or twice, and been assigned to Kakashi almost immediately. He couldn't say he was a fan of hers per say.

"I think she and Kakashi are very capable."

"So you are comparing her to Kakashi?"

"Not really, no." Itachi said.

"Then what do you mean? He was a candidate briefly for Hokage while she was unconscious, did you know that?" Shikamaru said, baiting him.

"Really?" Itachi asked, though he wasn't all that interested.

Shikamaru snorted, but his eyes were becoming sharper, more intense, and nothing like the tired drooping eyes he had been showing before. Itachi began to feel tired of the questions, but only because he had no answers to give.

"What is it you really want to know?" Itachi asked.

Shikamaru sat back on his heels, stoking the small fire he had built up. They sat in the dark in a grove of trees, seated on the ground, their figures thrown into shadow.

"Who are you?"

"If I tell you will you stop badgering me?"

"Maybe."

"I'll make you a deal. If we succeed at our mission, and Kakashi-san gives us the OK, then I will tell you."

"So, you do respect Kakashi?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"You were making some disgruntled faces at him before," Shikamaru pointed out.

The serious one was pretending not to listen to the conversation, but he clearly was.

This mission is dangerous; a deadly game, Itachi didn't like having to worry about two young ninja just out of the academy.

"I killed one Akatsuki member so far. I intend to make sure the rest of them meet the same fate." Shikamaru said suddenly, looking down at his hands and hiding his expression.

What does that mean for me, Itachi wondered.

"Which one?"

"Hidan. Naruto got the other one… Kakuzu."

"Impressive," Itachi said, unintentionally. "No wonder he sent you."

Shikamaru did look at him then, his face standing in sharp contrasts, his eyes full of sorrow.

"We paid the price for those two."

Itachi nodded, seeing that they did indeed understand the situation. He was relieved for that much at least. He wasn't looking forward to the day they found out who he really was and attacked him. This was the harsh reality of what he had gotten himself into. That's what power had done for him, to him.

They weren't quite as tense around Itachi after this initial conversation, and they were as professional as they could be. Itachi had been on many missions, and had learned a lot from Shisui, Kisame, and Kakashi. He knew he could handle two young men from Leaf. However, they stood as another reminder for him of his brother, something that he didn't need. His brother was always on his mind, but he didn't usually have such clear reminders of his loss 24 hours a day. Seeing the same ambition and power in Neji and Shikamaru as he had in Sasuke, was painful. They didn't know how much being with them was killing him.

Itachi went to say goodnight and caught their eyes intentionally.

"Go to sleep. When you wake up, I'll be gone. You will not follow."

The genjutsu was already on them. They were happy images of being back in Konoha with their friends. Itachi left the two young men safely surrounded by protective traps. By morning they would wake confused and exhausted, and quite miffed with him, but that was the price they paid for their curiosity. Itachi knew he was taking a gamble that Kakashi would see this as abandoning the mission and turning his back on the Leaf again, but he felt he had been given no choice in the matter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: I don't own Naruto. PS Sexual content coming. Guess I have to warn you though it does spoil the surprise. lol.**

 **Sorry about this but Obito just came up because I apparently like him. ^.^ Kakashi and Itachi are still the main pairing.^^;**

 **ALSO off topic: I had a dream about Attack on Titan. It was pretty scary!**

 _She said, 'There is no reason'_  
 _And the truth is plain to see_  
 _But I wandered through my playing cards_  
 _And would not let her be_  
 _One of sixteen vestal virgins_  
 _Who were leaving for the coast_  
 _And although my eyes were open_  
 _They might have just as well've been closed_

 _Whiter Shade of Pale- Procol Harum_

* * *

Itachi went up the mountain, to meet Tobi again. He knew the man was angry with him for disappearing for so long, but Tobi seemed ambiguous before. It was hard to tell with him. Perhaps Itachi was wrong. He got to the stone building, with its dead flowers and its dusty altar. An ancient temple of sorts, long since abandoned, Tobi had made himself the king of the mountain, literally. It was weird, just as Tobi was weird. It also felt haunted, like there were echoes of the past still lingering there. Itachi tried to ignore the chill going up his spine as he entered Tobi's domain.

He lit a fire in the old fireplace to dry the place up and tried to respectfully clean it up a little. Something here seemed to desire it.

"Still so fastidious, Itachi-kun. Do you care about this place that much?" Tobi asked, suddenly appearing behind Itachi, with his one eye peering out over Itachi's shoulder.

Itachi finished up sweeping and replaced the half-broken broom in its corner. Tobi touched his shoulder and leaned his chin on the other shoulder.

"Are you angry?" Itachi asked, his voice cool.

"Angry? I don't have such a feeling for you. You're not worth that much energy." Tobi said, chuckling.

"Then you do want me here," Itachi tried to figure it out himself, but with one eye to check with, there wasn't much emotion to be read on Tobi's covered face.

"If you want to be here, then by all means, stay. I have no way to stop you, as powerful as you are," Tobi said.

"Are we a gang of thieves then, with honor and all that?" Itachi asked, turning abruptly to dislodge Tobi from his shoulder.

The man had been leaning his full weight on Itachi, and he was not light.

"More like a pack of wolves, I'd wager. Brought together by fate?" Tobi said, playfully.

"Where is Kisame?" Itachi said, probingly.

"He's around. I'm sure he'll fill you in if he wants to. I'm sorry about your brother."

Itachi shrugged, uncertain. He didn't want to admit anything and couldn't bring himself to offer thanks.

"Are you fucking him?"

"Who?" Itachi gasped, so taken off guard by the question.

"The great general, Kakashi!" Tobi mocked.

Itachi was horrified and for one long moment he stared at Tobi, wondering how the man had known.

"You slept in his tent did you not? My spies are everywhere."

"So, what if I did?" Itachi asked, eyes flashing.

"Was he any good?" Tobi asked.

"The best I ever had," Itachi snapped.

Tobi laughed suddenly, his loud, nasal voice making Itachi wrinkle his nose slightly in irritation.

"Is that so? I guess I have no chance to compete with him then?" Tobi asked.

"Did you intend to? I didn't realize this ring was a vow of that sort." Itachi said, touching the Akastuki ring he had kept.

"Didn't you?" Tobi asked, his voice void of amusement suddenly. "I think it's time we talked this out."

Tobi approached him suddenly, his chakra spiking suddenly, and he disappeared. The next moment he was before Itachi and shoved him back hard into the stone altar. All of the breath left Itachi's lungs at once, and he was turned and pressed down into the altar. Itachi struggled to breath and get free, but Tobi was behind him.

"You think you can just run to Kakashi when things get difficult?"

"No- Tobi-"

Itachi strained to turn but the chains were pinching his skin. Itachi couldn't get free, and he saw Tobi pull a horse whip from thin air.

"What's that for? Stop this!" Itachi said.

"No. Part of you wants this, because this is all you'll ever need, and I am the only one who can give it to you."

"Ah!"

Itachi flinched when Tobi pulled the coat up and whipped his back. The whip stung and Itachi braced himself for another blow.

"You have the power to escape. Why don't you use it?"

Tobi whipped him until his back was on fire, and Itachi was gasping and struggling fruitlessly. Then Tobi reached around to feel his crotch was hard and fondled him briefly.

"You're really sick, aren't you? This turns you on!"

Itachi cringed away, his eyes closing. He wasn't sure why he was hard, but he couldn't deny the pace of his heart was partly from excitement. He'd never felt this way before. It was humiliating and degrading.

"Next time ask nicely, and I'll give it to you again. For now, this stands as your warning. Don't betray me. Kisame is in Fire country running an errand. Give him my regards."

Tobi disappeared with a soft rustle of fabric, and the chains loosened and fell away.

Itachi breathed long breaths, trying to calm himself and his racing heart. Itachi tried to check if his back was bleeding. If Tobi hadn't been angry he had a funny way of showing it. Itachi hadn't intended to lie about Kakashi, but he was just so surprised that Tobi had been so worked up. Why did he care? Was it because of who Kakashi was? What he represented?

Itachi thought that if Tobi's spies were so good he would have known the truth. Be that as it may Tobi knew more than Itachi had expected, and that was unnerving. Itachi should have known that his movements were being tracked. He wondered what Tobi thought of why Itachi had returned. Itachi wiped the sweat from his face with a shaking hand. He didn't want to think about what Tobi had done to him and his own response to it.

The fact was Itachi could have gotten free, but it had been so unexpected. He hadn't been prepared for a fight, and now he knew that it had been foolish of him. Tobi was unpredictable, and this just added another layer of trouble. Itachi couldn't deny that he had been unwilling to stop Tobi, too. He had been almost glad to be beaten. He couldn't understand why and that bothered him.

Itachi wanted to go home, suddenly. It was odd, he had been there so briefly, that he didn't think it was possible. Now that he'd had a taste of home and friends, he couldn't go back so quickly to his former role. Tobi also seemed to agree with that sentiment, and he wanted to make it impossible for Itachi to return as he'd like. Itachi grit his teeth and growled low at himself.

If Tobi wanted to question his loyalties he could accept that, but he refused to entertain the possibilities of what he'd done. It was all confused in his head, and he didn't like his reaction to being hit with a whip... Itachi hadn't had a lover since his life had fallen apart and turned upside down. Besides that Tobi's assumptions not only angered him, but also made him wonder. He hadn't really intended to extend any awkward invitations. In the end Kakashi had sent him away anyway, so perhaps the assumption was a mistake. Damn Tobi for planting these thoughts in his head anyway.

Itachi was so distracted that he tripped on a root and fell down a decline. He cursed, and rolled, landing wrong on his arm. Itachi sat there against a rock and tried to regain his dignity. He rested there, shaken, one hand clenching his short hair in frustration. Then he sighed and reached into his pocket and found a snack, knowing that he had to take better care of himself. It wasn't worth rushing forward more just to hurt himself again. He drank some water, stretched his arms and stood up finally ready to continue.

Itachi met up with Kisame on the outskirts of Fire country, and they resumed their partnership without any hesitation.

"Your hair grew a little. You must be feeling better than last time I saw you." Kisame said.

"I guess." Itachi said, making a vague gesture with his hand as if to dismiss it.

"I was surprised to see you back. You seemed so determined to stay away," Kisame said.

"Well, I was able to spy on their little army for a while, but then I decided to check in."

"Tobi was put out about it, I think. He didn't say anything, but I could tell." Kisame said, warningly.

"Thanks for the warning," Itachi said. Too little, too late, he thought, rubbing his back.


End file.
